When you find yourself in the wilderness
Only You satisfy
Only You satisfy my soul
Only You satisfy
Only You satisfy my soul
Oh, oh my soul thirsts for You, You alone
Oh, oh my soul thirsts for You, You alone
Oh, oh my soul thirsts for You, You alone
So I will taste and see that You are good
I will taste and see that You are good
I will taste and see that You are good
Good to me*
As I find myself in the wilderness and a dry and weary land, it is so easy to be tempted to despair. Pitch black darkness surrounds me and my eyes fail to see a single spark of light. Inwardly, my soul cries out in agony as outwardly I force a smile trying so desperately to find the joy of the Lord as strength.
But Lord, it’s so hard. Why is this so hard? Lord, you have been so faithful in my life, time after time after time, but right now it’s hard to trust that what I’m going through right now is for eternal glory. It is not in vain. I have no doubt that you exist. Your promises have been proven to be tried and true. But somehow, between the howling wind, quaking thunder and tumultuous waves, I’ve lost sight of you. Jesus, I know you’re there. I sense your nearness in front of me, but it’s so hard for me to take that first step out onto the waves. I’m so afraid I will sink. In fact, though I’m in the boat, I already feeling like the water has come to my neck. O Lord, what do I do?
But You say to me, ever so gently:
Trust me.
Ok, Lord. I will try. I need you to hold and guide me through this. Please just protect me from the fire. I need to trust that You are the God of Shadrach Meshach and Abednego… when they were thrown into the furnace, You were there with them, making sure they didn’t get a single scratch on their bodies. I need to trust that You are the God of Moses, a man driven away by scorn and shame, slow of speech, but through Your strength and might, He led His people from exile towards the Promise Land. I need to trust that You are the God of Esther, a teenage girl who stood up to a powerful king, at great risk to her own life, because of the courage and boldness you gave her.
Yes, you protect us from being destroyed by the fire. But still, You use the fire there to refine us and show Your faithfulness. I have personally experienced and seen how You have used fire to refine me and show that wow, my faith in You is so incredibly real. Our trials test us, as fire tests and purifies gold, to show the proven genuineness of our faith. Our faith that is more precious that gold. So when our faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring us much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
Though we have not seen You, we love you.
Though we do not now see you, we believe in you and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.
With this, we obtain the outcome of our faith, the salvation of our souls. (1 Peter 1:6–9).
You are our Living Hope.
About three months ago, a pastor prayed for me and he told me this:
I saw a picture of a single flower, very beautiful. I see the beauty of Jesus. You were the stem. Jesus’ beauty is upon you and that shines through you. You will find yourself in situations where you will have to stand alone but the beauty of Christ will shine through you.
This prophecy has come true, as I often feel very alone, but I am reminded that the beauty of Christ is in me and all around me. But though I feel alone, never am I actually alone. Christ is with me, forever and always. The incredible love of brothers and sisters in Christ remind me that never am I ever alone.
Coming back to the US when I wanted to go to the School of Biblical Studies was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. My heart felt like it was being torn into two… But God gave me His perfect peace about coming back and told me everything was going to be okay.
Before leaving DTS, God gave me this unshakable confidence that He would bring revival, restoration, reconciliation and healing to my family. And it’s crazy to have seen this promise fulfilled! This whole situation has brought my whole family on their knees and as a family, we’re growing so much in our faith. It’s hard not being on the same page as everyone still, but I trust that God is working in our hearts in ways we cannot see. I remember praying “Lord, whatever it takes to bring my family closer to You.” “Whatever it takes,” I said. So if this is what it takes to bring my family closer to You, I will rejoice in it. I will rejoice in You.
I don’t know what is ahead of me. I can only see the feet in front of me. But once again God is telling me to put my security in Him, when I can’t find security in my future.
Still I feel Him calling me to missions and giving peace about being an attorney… I don’t know how God will brings these two things together one day, but I’m trusting in His providence, provision and guidance. Who knows the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen. (Romans 11:33–36).
It’s scary to be finding my first job as an attorney, but I’m trusting that God has a plan for me, plan for me to prosper and not to harm me, but to give me a hope and future. (Jeremiah 29:11). I am trusting that God can do immeasurably more than what I can ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20).
I pray this same prayer David prayed while in the wilderness of Judah (Psalm 63):
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
But those who seek to destroy my life
shall go down into the depths of the earth;
they shall be given over to the power of the sword;
they shall be a portion for jackals.
But the king shall rejoice in God;
all who swear by him shall exult,
for the mouths of liars will be stopped.
Thank you for walking with me in this journey. Life is not always smooth sailing, but can trust that we have this Living Hope, as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. (Hebrews 6:19–20). We trust that Jesus is our Advocate and Forerunner interceding for us and sacrificing Himself for our sakes. (1 John 2:1).
*Only You Satisfy by Housefires
